Claiming My North
In my recent blog post “Where is my North Node?” I wrote that I was building up the courage to share my new song online. The song I wrote is called Where The Fuck Is My North Node? And for those of you that don’t know - as I didn’t until recently - the term ‘North Node’ refers to something in astrology that is sort of like your star sign in the way it is believed to reveal things about your character and your life, but it’s different from your star sign.
I wrote around the song from many different angles; I described what it’s about, the humour in it paired with a deeper meaning, how it related to a big shift of perspective in my own life, and why it made sense for me to share the song online.
Essentially, I circled the song, looking at it from North, South, East and West. This appeared to offer me the grounding I needed to go ahead and share the song - finally! - across my social media.
Yes - I did it! Only after just a wee bit more agonising (on top of the previous months of agonising), I was at last ready to click ‘post’.
“Protect a space within your practice where your yes means yes and your no means no”
Sharing this song was, for me, an exercise in giving myself a yes. Oh sure, I’ve posted songs before, but oftentimes I’ve done that because someone else has said ‘yes’ to that song already - a funder, a venue, or an external body of some kind.
I love the idea that sometimes my yes is all I need. And I loved the feeling of putting that into action by sharing a rough home recording of me singing my new song because I was excited by it.
The video I shared isn’t fancy - I recorded it using my phone camera, and there is a periodic clattering sound that had me wincing when I watched it back (this is because I had my phone sitting on the music stand attached to the keyboard and sometimes when I hit a chord it bounces off the stand). However, I was so comfortable and spontaneous when I filmed this, and I think that comes across. The video shows something real, vulnerable, personal, fun, expressive and, I hope, relatable.
Slowly creating my own compass
I’m still working on claiming my own sense of self and having the courage to show the real me to others, without apology or fear. This song is inspired by that process. Writing and sharing this song has been an act of authentic self-expression, stripped of the fear of displeasing others that I’ve carried for most of my people-pleasing life.
I continue to uncover my own values, likes and dislikes because, after years of being guided by everyone else’s’ parameters, I’m ready to find my North and live by my own compass.
I finished my previous blog post with a list of some of my likes and dislikes. To continue a theme, I’ll conclude here by uncovering a few more. And I use the word uncovering intentionally, as I feel in a way that some of these are as new to me as they will be to you. Let’s dig a few more out:
I like rivers, birdsong, bouquets of flowers, cycling, glitter, yoga, photographs you can hold, marbles, sea shells, and trampolining. I am not too fussed about watching sports, Pilates and the TV show Rick and Morty.
